Friday, March 24, 2006

You Might Be a Redneck Stoner If:

Well so far I guess I've pissed off Republicans, fundies, George Bush (Hell no I won't call the fucker Presidedent!), Karl Rove, and pissed bile all over everything good and Holy! (Ain't ya PROUD of me!)

I guess my next victim will be blue collar comedy. You know! Jeff Foxworthy and the boys! Never heard
Jeff Foxworthy ever admit to smoking herb. Of course if you ride on a bus with Larry The Cable Guy, and Ron "Tater Salad" White you got to be burnin' something or the place would turn into a mobile crime scene! Since Jeff won't touch the subject because his family based comedy gods would frown on it, I guess it's up to somebody that really doesn't give a flying fuck about what Standards and Practices has to say about the matter! My standards are pretty low, and if you're as good as me you don't have to practice! So let's do this thing!

You might be a redneck stoner if you've ever smoked pot through something that was part of a car.

You might be a redneck stoner if you've ever been too stoned to watch television.

You might be a redneck stoner if your last bong came from Home Depot.

You might be a redneck stoner if you've ever made a bong out of part of an animal.

If you've ever made a bullet into a roach clip you might be a redbneck stoner.

If you've ever thrown a perfectly good cigar away, but kept the glass tube it came in, You might be a redneck stoner.

You might be a redneck stoner if you've found six foot tall marijauna plants growing where you throw seeds, and been surprised by the discovery.

If you've ever found a joint that went through the laundry, and still smoked it, you could be a redneck stoner.

If the last poignant father and son moment you remember is when you taught the fruit if your loins how to make a roach clip out of a stick, you could be a redneck stoner.

If you've ever used an automotive tool to smoke pot, you could be a redneck stoner.

If you have an ATV modified to carry gardening tools, you might be a redneck stoner.

And last but not least: If you've ever addressed a police officer by saying, "Hi! Are you?" You might be a redneck stoner.... and not too bright!


murph said...

Yup, Been there, done that. God but I wish we lived closer.

You might be a redneck stoner if your snacky stash was mostly chitlins.

You might be a redneck stoner if all of a sudden your wood lot seems unfamiliar.

You might be a redneck stoner if you spend a lot of time shopping for cheap plexy tubes.

You might be a red neck stoner if suddenly Alternet seem unbelievably funny.

You might be a redneck stoner if you start wondering how the pine needles got in your morning coffee.

You might be a redneck stoner if suddenly the Sear catalogue has found another use.

You might be a redneck stoner if raisin hell means chasing squirrels through the woods.

murph said...

And lastly, you might be a redneck stoner if you decided it would be a gas to really startle that skunk that came ambling by.

Anonymous said...

yep ,you might be a
montana stoner if that thing you found floating in your coffee didn't make any difference and you drank it anyway.
the feathers in the chicken noodle soup means you forgot something.
waking up after that last date there seemed to be an unusual amount of wool in the bed.
buffalo girl means just that and running for the fence is just another way to flirt with death.

aaa shucks its good to be alive ain't it boys? would be good to set a spell and share a spiffie with yous,

am trying to put together funding and such for a hemp farm which is legal here in big sky country,but god the fucking hoops that are necessary to embark on that project!! plus you got to suck the dicks on that DEA crew as they take dna samples of every thing you've ever touched .hey you!! get the fuck away from my sheep,get your own you fucking pervert!! god the dea are really a bunch of goodam losers.

its raining snow balls the size of bb's

the boys came home last nite and forgot to open the gate and the ride is in the back yard, man when thoes sons, 3 and one white guy get together,makes me wish i was 30 again.

montana freeman

stoney13 said...


landsker said...

You might be a redneck stoner..., but you do realise that here in Britain, we don`t use the word "redneck", there are, however, what might be termed ...."eccentric country folk".

Although I got to admit, that on occasion I`ve seen, a pipefull of green, and a flashlight or two, the twirl of a trout, as he lands in the bag.

A pipefull of skunk, then out of the bunk, a hammer and saw, repairs to the door, seal in the lights, and keep out the mites.

There`s war and avionics, there`s natural soil and hydroponics,
war`ll get you killed, weed`ll get you chilled.

There was another verse, doh... I`m uh... thinking...Uh..Forgot the last verse.

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Well!! I'm not here to be on anybody's side! I DON'T like George W. Bush and I will NOT call the bastard president! I'll call him President Pork Pie, but that is about as close as it gets! I'm not here to comfort the afflicted, but to afflict the comfortable! I learned a long time ago, that if you can make somebody laugh and think at the same time, they'll learn something! I'm trying to teach the American Public that there is another point of view out there, beside the Right Wing's This country's on a greased chute to Hell with Bush as it's Captain! I for one will not sit idley by while he drives the land that I love into the ground! This is my gift to this country. Maybe it's a little crude at times, maybe, it's a little rude at times! But in my world, rude and crude works! I'll post what I damn well please here and invite people to post comments the same way! Rant all you want!! I do! Freedom of Speech is the order of the day here! Like it? Let me know! Don't like it? Let me know! Silence me? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So welcome one and all to STONEY'S RAGE!! It's all for America! I don't make a dime off it! And I won't have it any other way!