Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I'm back! Miss me?

After a great deal of inner soul searching brought about by the reckless abuse of several different controlled substances, I have pierced the veil that shades the future and seen that which can only be described as utter bullshit! I will share with you my vision.

A great seer shall arise and show that since Ronald Wilson Reagan has six letters in each of his names, it don't mean shit! He's dead, and he will stay that way! And all through the land great rejoicing is heard!

In an atempt to save the administration any further embaressment, the decision to assainate "Scooter" Libby is given to the CIA. In a manner not inconcistent with the CIA's well-documented bungling, the sniper aims at Scooter libby's head and shoots Karl Rove in the ass! Cheney goes into a total mind-fuck at the sound of the gunfire and the sight of the blood Grinning maniacly and armed with a shot gun loaded with birdshot, he procedes to the Supreme Court in search of lawyers which he has declared to be his prey!

Scooter Libby having noted the attempt on his life, begins telling the truth, and answering all questions addressed to him. Up to and including the presence of six live sheep, a western saddle, and a gallon of baby oil in the Lincoln bedroom whenever Condi Rice comes to visit. The result is this wholey illogical and impossible act causes the laws of physics to take a long hike and all manners of illogical, and impossible shit starts to happen! Marijauna is legalized, produced imediatly, rolled and smoked by all present! A great cloud of weed smoke settles over the capitol, causing great turmoil amongst the Republicans when they finally discover George Bush was not concieved of a virgin! And even if he was, Barbara Bush still raised him so it's HER FAULT!!!!! Teams of dilligent and harworking journalists turn a deaf ear to the pleas of the corporate elite and a blind eye to the grubby hands thrusting money and pronounce the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about all sorts of shit that the subjects of this truth find most inconveniant! Undetered by bribes, threats, or political correctness they sally forth and paint the whole city with a thick coat of reality. Federal prosecuters decend on Washington DC in waves of plagues! Snapping up the now naked politicians and dragging them off to the land of Terra Haute Federal Lock-up. Where they are forced to make blankets for Libertarians!

Barbara Bush arives and gets lost in the huge cloud of Marijauna smoke and forgets what she came for! After finding Jeb and George playing Genocidal Conservatives and Indians with "Chang the Mystic Warrior" She spank's their pasty white asses for "being weasely little shits and fibbing to all those nice Democrats on the investigative comittees! Jeb gets extra whacks for playing with imaginary friends when he's too old to do so, and giving naughty, big, sharp swords to his little friends in the Florida Legislature who are neither old enough or responsible enough to play with such dangerous toys!

Armed Isreali settlers and Palastinian refugees race at eachother from two sides of the city untill they get lost in the pot cloud. When they find their way out again, they have forgotten what they were so pissed at eachother about, and they all take off together in search of a decent chicken place. Along the way they find Scooter Libby. Figuring any old chicken will do, they eat him!

Further information is $3.95 a minute! Operators are standing by!


cyclone said...


Brilliant. Especially the missed attempt on Scooter's life. The best part, though, is the legalization of the magical "gateway" drug, which is simply a gateway to doritos, not heroin. Bring it on,


stoney13 said...

You know I am!!!

FreeAcre said...


Oh My God! I haven't laughed so hard in weeks! That was great!

murph said...


Yup, got it so I could post a comment. I really like the story. Some imagination you got there fella.

Blake said...

Yea folks -Stoney's got some real creative juices flowin- It's a pleasure to read his rants and riffs!

About Me

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Well!! I'm not here to be on anybody's side! I DON'T like George W. Bush and I will NOT call the bastard president! I'll call him President Pork Pie, but that is about as close as it gets! I'm not here to comfort the afflicted, but to afflict the comfortable! I learned a long time ago, that if you can make somebody laugh and think at the same time, they'll learn something! I'm trying to teach the American Public that there is another point of view out there, beside the Right Wing's This country's on a greased chute to Hell with Bush as it's Captain! I for one will not sit idley by while he drives the land that I love into the ground! This is my gift to this country. Maybe it's a little crude at times, maybe, it's a little rude at times! But in my world, rude and crude works! I'll post what I damn well please here and invite people to post comments the same way! Rant all you want!! I do! Freedom of Speech is the order of the day here! Like it? Let me know! Don't like it? Let me know! Silence me? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So welcome one and all to STONEY'S RAGE!! It's all for America! I don't make a dime off it! And I won't have it any other way!